This ain’t nothing special just testing things out. I’m gonna start trying this digital painting thing now that I got my own tablet. :) Yay!

What’s worse is that I’ll probably do it again. I guess I’m a masochist for love…?

So I just found out that the dude I wasn’t getting along with is getting fired. (Woo!) But now that’s a problem because there’s only 3 other people (including him) who work with me in the stockroom. Without him that leaves two. You might say that’s good right? Wrong! One is prego and has been sick and the other apparently was in a car accident. We don’t know anything about him or when he’s coming back because he hasn’t called. So really that just leaves me now. :( AND we’re not even done prepping for inventory later in the week. Oh boy! Plus, I almost totally forgot that, classes resume this week.

This is going to be an exciting week!!

Even though its Christmastime, I don’t feel like it is compared to past Christmases. I feel like my family is, I guess you could say, distant this year. That joy of being together and sharing with each other isn’t there… I mean I don’t even care about the gifts, I just like that at least once a year we all get to be in the same place spending time together. But lately, I feel, the holidays are becoming less special to us and more like any other day.

I may not really be all “lovey dovey” family-oriented crazy and I may not talk to or spend time with everyone in my family like ALL the time or consistently but that doesn’t mean I love them any less or don’t keep them in my thoughts from time to time. It’s just not in me to keep in touch like that however Christmas (especially) is one of the few times of the year I look forward to because we all take time out of our busy schedules to, just for a moment, enjoy each others company with good food, drinks and even presents if that fit in their budgets. Its a nice and beautiful feeling. Everyone’s doing their own thing and that makes me kind of sad.

:(

So Wednesday night, I went to Will’s house to chill with him since he was, earlier in the day, complaining about how I never spend time with him. I get to his house and smoke about 2 Ls with him, his other best friend Quadiie, his roommates and some other dude. I learned how to play poker too… sort of. I skimmed through the rules online as I played and kind of got the gist of it. (Even though I was confused the whole time.) I had originally planned to leave at 1am but everyone kept insisting that I stay and play poker so I did. I recalculated and decided I would leave at 2am the latest but then Will brought out the bong and I really wanted to try it so I stayed. Will’s roommates went to their room after poker and we were inconvenienced by the arrival of the other dude’s friend. It seemed like they were taking forever to leave though, having full out conversation and rolling another blunt for themselves. I started to get impatient but remained silent debating whether or not this was a sign I should leave. Just as I was about to announce my departure, they finished rolling and headed out.

After a few more minutes of idle chit chat, Will packed a bowl and light it. I definitely like it better than the other alternatives but man what interesting experience I had. I was with Will and his other best friend Quadiie. After about 8 hits or so, Will told us to go outside. As soon as we got out there, I started feeling nauseous so I stopped walking and took a couple of breaths. It felt so nice to flap my arms. We go on to walk on the street because the sidewalk was dark as hell thanks to the trees on it. We started walking towards the end of the block and everything was fine until I noticed Quadiie wasn’t next to us anymore. She started saying she felt like she was moving in slow motion and soon after I felt the same… sort of. I explained it as feeling like I was moving slow but in fast forward (if that makes any sense). Will was laughing telling us this was all in our heads. I started thinking and I agreed with him. “Yeah, I’m good. This all in my head. I’m good.”

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I guess I amno longer friends with a certain somebody and I’m not fighting it. I’m accepting the blame for my actions and not looking back on them. If this is the way it’s supposed to be, so be it. I don’t care. Or at least I’m trying not to. [If I bury this deep enough, I’ll be aight.] I gave up once. It ended up working out again but this time around I’m pretty sure it won’t be the same. We are way past apologies and second chances and it’s all my fault… Heck! I might even lose some aquaintances but it is what it is.

I’ll miss you… Best of luck, God bless & take care.

“…If something’s supposed to happen, and the path I choose leads to it, then that’s what’s meant to be…”
- Steph 

Why?!

I need to get myself on a sleep schedule. It’s gonna end up costing me some grades and my goal of getting B’s in all my classes is gonna pfffttttt!! go down the drain. What’s wrong with me? GAHH! What I really need someone to come take away my laptop and my phone away from me at night. Anyways I’m already slacking in one class: French. I was so excited about finally taking French and here I am totally not caring for it. I’m so unmotivated for this class. The teacher is blah. the people are blah. It’s all blah! Except for the language cause it’s somewhat pretty easy. I wish I had the professor I had for the intro class though, she was cool. The other classes are pretty much a breeze. Well not, 2D Animation… sort of. It’s easy and a little hard that the same time but pretty cool. We did dialogue in flash so for this week’s homework we have to combine what we’ve learned about the walk cycle and dialogue to make a short 30 second cartoon.

Speaking of homework, [note to self] I’ve got that plus a take-home midterm, French hw, 2pg essay for Art History, dumb/easy hw for Animation that I will hopefully get done sometime during this break. WOO!

Okay. Bye!

I kind of feel like my spirit of Valentine’s day has been sucked out of me. I’m not excited about it anymore & that makes me sad. :( For the first time, I don’t wanna do anything thoughtful or sweet for no one. I want to be selfish and give myself everything. >:)

#throwbackthursday @frenzy0verme & I; If there was ever a picture I could fall in love with forever it would be this one. ☺ (Taken with instagram)

I had an itch which resulted in me kind of giving myself a hickie… on my boob. >_>